Fair doesn’t mean giving every child the same thing, it means giving them what they need. -Rick Lavoie
That being said I want to say yes I parent my children differently each of my four kiddos have different needs, abilities and also pasts. My biological older girls have decided that I treat our new adoptive placement J different and “better”. I argue this. Don’t get me wrong do I treat him different? Yes. I take into account trauma, his past, and also the fact that he is super agreeable still and he does not talk back and he does what he’s asked. So biological kids who don’t have trauma, were not in past facilities and who choose to talk back will receive appropriate consequences for their actions. All of the teen and preteen children in my house all have screen time on their phone, their phones all lock daily by 11 PM while we are in summer, they all participate in chores. I am not sure where it’s not “fair“ I personally cannot see that. Maybe it’s the fact that I speak to him a little softer and a little sweeter then I do to them? I have also asked my oldest if some alone time with me would help her feelings I don’t discredit her feelings and I am sure it certainly is a big adjustment.
One of the things you learned that in your classes is birth order and we take this into account and originally our age range was older than our youngest and younger than our middle. So my oldest having some displacement feelings is actually kind of normal. It’s not ground shaking or detrimental. But there has been some sibling rivalry and control struggles.
Life isn’t and truly should not be all unicorns and rainbows so therefore I will make sure to share our struggles as well as our successes.
On another note he has said Miss Amber again LOL I don’t know why this is a big deal for me but it is.
I was scrolling around Instagram and I found the post where heart Gallery had shared his photo and information and I realized that it was over a year he waited once he knew that he was posted on a website to be selected over a year. Imagine if you posted yourself on a dating website and you heard from nobody who wanted to date you for over a year. Now imagine that you’re a child without a family stuck in a facility with some pretty rough kids, who also need grace because they are also looking for homes. Imagine every day probably felt like an eternity and almost like you’re in prison and you don’t know your how long your sentence is. The Foster Care system needs more people who are willing to take in Teens and let them make mistakes and not disrupt but stand there and help them to become adults. It makes me so sad to know the majority of the teens listed on Heart Galleries across America are in Group homes, or behavior facilities.
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